What I wrote a long time ago. Now none of it's true. I can't even do this

When you sit there and listen to your thoughts,
You realize things.

You realize that drinking sometimes doesn't stop the pain.
And you realize that sometimes you are worth more.


When you are in love, a couple things can happen.

You can walk away hand in hand.
Or you walk away with nothing left in your hand.

But I created a third option.

I walked away heart broken, yes.
But I also walked away with a plan.

I set up a few dates for the next couple of days,
With guys who had asked me out more than once,
And I turned them down more than a few times.


I planned play dates with old friends you never wanted to meet,
And I did it all with tears in my eyes.

Not of complete and udder sadness,
But with hope of finding myself again.


I'm worth more than being hidden from the world.
I'm worth proclamations to the world of how our love only grows,
And how lucky we are to have each other.

I want to be held with arms that know how to read my emotions,
Instead of ones that know how to tell if now is the time for making the car rock.


I expect to be loved so much that I am chosen first,
Never becoming a back up plan for when other things don't work.


I want to find someone that is happy with me being me.
Instead of vaguely asking for me to change everything about me.


I want to hit the home runs,
And shoot for the stars,
Because even if I land on the moon
I will still be happy.


I want to be someones everything,
Just like you were for me.

I want to be assured that they feel the same as me,
And that as long as we have each other everything will be ok.

I don't want to hear anymore of the line "I don't know"
Because after a little while it makes you ask why.

Why are we together if you don't know if you want to be?
Because in my world it's either a Fuck yes or a no.
There is no maybe.