Honesty by Joe

Hey. So I just got done talking to you for the last time. Damn, you know you can be a real bitch. I can't believe you sometimes. But it doesn't even matter, the whole time all I wanted to say is that I lied about lying. I just hate myself and I'm afraid I won't be enough for you. I need to become someone because without you I'm nothing. And in case you find something better I need to have something to lean on.But it's gone to far. I was the bad guy again. The only thing is you don't realize I'm toxic. You'll be so much happier without me. So much more successful and accomplished.

I deleted your number. And I cut myself until I forgot it. Until the pain was to severe and whenever I try to remember it I wince. I cringe now at the thought of trying to text you. I hope it will be enough... At least for now. But don't worry, I don't mind adding even more so I don't have to hurt you again.

It hurts when you say I don't care. But it hurts you when I say I do. So I don't. I sit screaming at myself. Wanting to tell you how important you are to me... That I need to know you're safe and will continue to be... But I can't. Not anymore. "She'll be happier without me." I tell myself. I'm the bad guy! I can be the bad guy!

You better keep your fucking promise. Otherwise I'll just have to kill myself so I can scream at you and tell you how wrong you were and that you lied to me. That you were the reason I was sticking around this long.
I'd never see my family again if I did that... Ever.
I would literally give up the little I have left, but it would only be curtious, considering what you gave up for me.
Well I was a disappointment anyway so I figure it wouldn't be to hard to get over me anyway.
But please don't. You could do so much for people and animals. And basically everything else.

Just so you know, I'm so tired of fighting. I'm just tired, I wish I could tell life I needed a break and clock out. Ha that's kind of what I'm doing I guess...Well that's all I was saying. Maybe I'll add more later. Maybe I'll even post this one day. But for now. I'll sit in my silent agony while I get soaked in the rain.

P.S. Sometimes to save yourself you've got to kill your mind