Hello Stranger

One day, you will realize what you left.

You will realize how there will never be someone like me.

And it will kill you.


One day you'll come crawling back to me,

Like you always have,

And I'll just say "Do you remember?


"Do you remember how you shut me out?
Let me crumble, and watched as you walked away from me?
Do you remember how many nights I spent crying?
How many nights I spent consoling you?
Do you remember how you treated me like shit?
Remember how I did everything I could to make you happy?
Do you remember how you texted me to tell me I was worthless?
Not in those words, but definitely that meaning.
Do you remember how I acted angry?
Well I was hurt.
Do you remember how many years I spent wanting you?
Remember how many days you spent wanting me?
If not only hours.
Remember how I stood up for you against my own flesh and blood?
Remember how didn't want your family to even know I existed?
Remember how you always hesitated?
Well I'm here to tell you that I'm gone.
I'm done.
I am sick of the incomplete heart I am left with because of you.
And I don't want to lose any more of it.
I cry still, just wondering why I wasn't good enough.
But now I realize that you just didn't know what you had.
I hope you spend every night alone,
Or with some girl that you don't care about,
And remember me.
Remember everything I did for you.
Remember how you raped me in the back of my car,
And I said it was ok.
Remember how you left me to die.
And remember that you didn't care.
Remember that I would've given everything for you to be happy.
And remember that I am no longer,
And never again will be,
Yours."

I'm done.
I'm doing it tonight.

I'm trying

Every day things get worse.
I've tried dating.
It's not working.
I've tried friendships.
They aren't working.

Every. Single. Thing.
Isn't working.
Except for my memories.

I constantly am having dreams about you.
I am always thinking of you.
And I remember everything.
The good, the bad, and the ugly.

But recently I've made a friend,
With someone who lives almost 1000 miles away.
He has been treating me with the most kindness I've ever seen.

He is flying to Utah to visit me for a week.

Garrett has been pushing me to date him.
He's possessive already and we are on date #3.
I can't message him over text even because he wants to
"Know if I'm responding every time I see his messages"

He's controlling. Already.

I can't be more clear with him.
I tell him almost everyday that I don't want to date him.
But it doesn't matter.
He still pushes.

He still shows up at my house unannounced.
He still picks me up and takes me out with out me having a say.
I've even yelled at him a couple of times.
But maybe this is just what I deserve.

Maybe I need to be forced into relationships.

Maybe I should be pushed around,
Told what to do,
And when to do it.
Maybe I need this because I'm worthless without someone like that.

Maybe.

But when I look at Adam.
The person flying out just to meet me.
It makes me wonder if I will ever be loved by someone as sweet,
Kind and caring as he is.

But then I remember I'm me. I deserve much less.

I remember I'm me.
And put all the hope I have to rest.
Remember that I'm worth no love.
So just a little attention is worth my time.


Joe life is hard.
And I can't do it.
I'm trying.

But everywhere I turn I run into something else
That reminds me that I should be dead.
That this isn't natural.
And it sure as hell isn't fun.

I'm sorry.
About everything.
I hope you are ok.
And loving Arizona.