Silently... Quietly.

Have you ever felt ignored or unimportant? I know I have. But I can't really blame anyone because I'm quiet. Always afraid of what to say and if it's going to be stupid. Something you always want to snatch out of the air and shove back into your mouth and swallow it so it can never escape again. I wonder sometimes if I am easy to forget about because of it. Because of how silently I sit here, writing in my notebook with my only two friends keeping me company. My paper and my pen explain everything I am feeling, yet I still wonder if they are using the correct spelling and grammer after all the years that I've taught them how to do it correctly. Sometimes though, the mouse and keys on this computer will become my friends, too. It just depends on who's watching and if they want to impress them.
I need to learn to speak up. But can I learn how to be the exact opposite of what I am? I can recite facts, spill out information with ease, but when it comes to someone asking me what my life is like, I stutter and shut down. My brain runs off and leaves me to die of embarressment alone. Alone. Am I stuck this way? Stuck just as an old dog can never learn new tricks? People can change right? Or are they just breaking habbits? Is being closed off a habbit?
I can sit in a room full of people but still be lonely. I suppose that having a couple of friends is better than none. I'll stay quiet. I'm not completely alone. Isolated. Unsociable. Secluded. Alone. Very Alone... Maybe not alone, just lonely, which is fine. I'm just going to sit here silently.... quietly. Waiting for the moment I begin to stutter when someone comes to speak to me. The moment I will always be uncomfortable with. But the moment I will always crave. The moment that can never satisfy my hunger. My longing for someone, anyone, to just say hello.