I'm tired of asking myself "why?"

I don't know what my problem is.

I wish that I could sit back and watch myself for a little bit so I could see where I go wrong.

Sometimes I know, but this time I feel like I put in so much effort,

It should have worked.



I invested so much time and energy into this.

I was more than willing to take it to the next step,

But I did something wrong.

Again.

As always.


Again, and again, and again,

I throw my heart into something and

Again, and again, and again,

It always ends up just out of reach.



The things that I want most in this world,

Tend to allude me.


I always screw things up.


Most of the time on purpose,

Because I'm afraid.


This time on accident,

Because I'm afraid.



Maybe I'm not cut out to amount to anything.

Maybe lying in bed is all I'm good for.


Just a lazy,

Good for nothing,

Blow up doll.


Always ready for one more round

Of being fucked over.