We don't care about our own faults

There are things in this life, that not even the ones living it can understand.

Bad intentions are never intended.

Nor are they ever what I want.

You know, my mother is actually the one that got herself involved in this.

I was content to let you go out into the world, only to come back a couple of weeks later, with full realization of the lies you were willing to tell.

I was willing to let you learn in your own way. The hard way.

But now that it has caught up to you, you need some one to blame.

So as the water rises, and your head's about to go under, you can put it all on me.

Go ahead, lay it all on my shoulders.

But just know, that no matter how hard you try, I will never jump off my boat to drown with you.

And no matter how many times I have tried, you've never accepted my hand to pull you aboard.

So don't worry, I won't bother to try and help you any more.

Because when I do, you tug and tug and tug until I am in that water with you.


If heaven is how they say it is, and God does show you all the answers to your questions, maybe when you ask "What went wrong?" He will throw your mind to the past.

To all the times I said, "If you feel guilty then let's stop."

To all the times I pushed away reminding you that this is not something you wanted.

To all the times I brought your memory to your mission, but you ignored me.

Maybe He will show you how many times you initiated, and how many times I didn't.

He will show you, that overall, this was your fault.

And he will show you that that is why I am happy.

And you are not.


So don't act like I've received some trophy for seeing you in pain.

Don't tell me that I've won, because life is not a competition.

All it is is trying to find the eye of the storm and to move along side it.

Trying to see the sun, but not getting burned by it.


Don't pretend like this is all my fault, when you and I both know it takes 2.

This isn't the end for you.

Not even close.

You will have to learn to live with whatever happens, and happiness is only your choice.

I have no say in it.


See even though I am going through a lot, I am happy.

You have no rule over that.

I have to push through every day with a smile, because I wouldn't make it with out one.

I learn and I learn, that I am worth more than what I thought in the past.

More than what I was told by those around me.

I am happy because I want to be.

Not because I have to be, or I have everything happiness needs to exist.


Please, get through your life with a smile, not anger.

That's the only advice I can give you.