My Only Wish

For the longest time, I didn't want to speak to you.
For weeks I thought it would be too hard,
Either that or much too easy.

You my friend, that is no longer here, are what every action,
Every thought,
Every thing that I do revolves around.

Every time I need to make a decision I always ask,
what would he think if I did this?
What would you think?

I look at myself in the mirror
And all I can think about is how empty and sad I look.
How dark my eyes have become.

There has and always will be the doubt
That will forever rest in the pit of my gut.
The doubt that tells me that you have forgotten.

Forgotten about me.
Forgotten about you.
Forgotten about us.

When I see the only picture I have left of you
I cry.
Because I feel like you are lost.

I feel as though my heart will never heal.
But I worry more about your own health,
Than mine.

Are you well?
Are you safe?
Are you happy?

I wish I could sit you down.
Place a huge plate of your favorite food down in front of you,
And just simply run my fingers through your hair as you sit there.

Happy.
Safe.
And Well.

I wish I could know.
I wish I could see.
I wish I could fix.